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The Emperor’s Birthday

By Sean | In Athlete Profiles | on May 11, 2011

Post courtesy of Anna

Drank Kool-Aid: Kool-aid = sugar.  We all know Marcus would prefer to drink the tears of his class as they struggle through a workout over that sugary treat

Favorite Lift/Movement: Endless burpees with the sandbag aka “kilo of Columbian Bam Bam” and dishing out PAIN

Least Favorite Movement:  Having to be nice to the newbies… or anyone for that matter

Favorite WOD: Anything that tortures the 7pm varsity class

Least Favorite WOD:  Anything that doesn’t involve the Prowler

CrossFit Goals:  1000 lb Power Total (is that what it’s called?) He’s only 25 lb away

Best CrossFit Accomplishment:  Making girls cry, Becky Box Jumps!

Hobbies outside of CFI:  Impromptu drunk boxing matches, mocking the Lakers loss, showing off his paleo kitchen skills, impersonating Mr.T, and eating random cow parts.

Marcuspedia is known for his vast amount of knowledge around the Intrepid community.  However, this characteristic is deceiving, the reason: burpeefobia.  From the outside, people think that Marcus has studied up on nutrition and recovery and all other things healthy, but those who truly know the situation understand that it is his ever present threat to divvy out punishment that forces us to believe him.

Warning:  If you are new at the gym and have not tried Marcus’s cooking before, stay away.  This food is horribly addicting and causes you to turn down sweet treats such as bread, cookies, and beer.  For the sake of yourself and your veteran cohorts, please leave the doggy bags for those experienced.

In addition, don’t ever.. ever let Marcus know what you are capable of.  He thrives on forcing you to reach your potential.  We are all tired after a long day of work and would like to come in and do 5-10 (or 30) lbs less than our max.  But noooo, mid-WOD Marcus has been known to steal your light kettle bell and replace it with one twice the size.  He will make up excuses like “you are stronger now,” “you girls have a glass ceiling,” and my recent experience “you haven’t lifted in 3 weeks, you don’t need a de-load week.”  Or, even worse, he will bust out a secret formula on the calculator proving that you can go 5 lb heavier or lift two more reps.  Nobody has the guts to question his math (Ruth gets enough of that).

Happy Birthday Mr. Clean & Jerk.  It is a pleasure being a pain in your ass every day.  Varsity Class forever!!!

WOD 05.11.11

Bench 3×5 or Wendler

5 rds:
5 Power Cleans
20 Double Unders
5 Jerks
10 Pullups
Rest 90sec

22 Comments to "The Emperor’s Birthday"

  • Nik Werre says:

    May 11, 2011 at 6:47 AM -


  • Michelle says:

    May 11, 2011 at 7:20 AM -

    Happy Birthday Marcus!! I hope you have a great birthday and that Anna isn’t too much of a pain in your ass today=)

    Great post Anna!!! I love guest posts by the Pasta Power Duo!

  • Sandi says:

    May 11, 2011 at 7:22 AM -


  • Brian says:

    May 11, 2011 at 7:58 AM -

    Happy Birthday Marcus!!! You have become such a good friend over the years…. well a friend that yells at me and shames me into heavier weights… but a friend nonetheless. Have a great day!

  • melissa says:

    May 11, 2011 at 8:10 AM -

    happy birthday, marcus!!! hope your day is perfect :) :) :)

  • Michael H says:

    May 11, 2011 at 8:46 AM -

    Everything that Anna said is true. Damn you Marcus hahaha. Happy birthday brotha.

  • Jake says:

    May 11, 2011 at 8:59 AM -

    Happy Birthday to my OG trainer! Thanks for all that you do to help make every single one of us a better athlete.

  • the Pooj says:

    May 11, 2011 at 9:27 AM -

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHANCELLOR! hope its burpee-rific :)

  • becky says:

    May 11, 2011 at 9:38 AM -

    ohhhh marcus. how you do love to torture. but your torture works and always makes me a better crossfitter. thanks for believing in me friend. happy birthday :)

    p.s. anna, loves the post :)

  • Jake says:

    May 11, 2011 at 9:44 AM -

    Oh yeah, nice post Anna!

  • Holley says:

    May 11, 2011 at 9:45 AM -

    Happy Birthday Marcus!!! While we all like to joke about how mean and tough you are, we’re certainly grateful that you push us everyday. You’re one kick ass trainer!

    Great post Anna! :)

  • JT says:

    May 11, 2011 at 9:46 AM -

    “he will bust out a secret formula on the calculator proving that you can go 5 lb heavier or lift two more reps”…haha. Happy Bday Marcus!

  • Amy says:

    May 11, 2011 at 10:04 AM -

    Happy Birthday Marcus!!!

  • Alia says:

    May 11, 2011 at 10:04 AM -

    “. . . eating random cow parts.” Awesome!! Have a great birthday Marcus! Hope I get more chances to barge in on the 7pm class. You should probably bring cheese when I come in, to go with my whine. (yep, these are the jokes you’re missing out on in the AM). *hugs*

  • Xuan says:

    May 11, 2011 at 10:23 AM -

    Marcus…if Ruth and Sean are the heart and soul of Intrepid you are definately the backbone. You know the unflexible, pain causing, rigid, hard….oh wait its your birthday. Happy Birthday Marcus!!!
    All joking aside thanks for everything you do for me and for us. Your support and dedication is appreciated significantly more than any of us ever let on. Hope you have a great day and look forward to celebrating soon.

  • Jason says:

    May 11, 2011 at 11:29 AM -

    Happy Birthday, Marcus! I truly appreciate your advice and guidance and will have to “man up” and join the powerlifting class soon! Hope you have a great B-Day!

  • Date Night says:

    May 11, 2011 at 11:42 AM -

    Happy birthday Marcus! Have a great day.

  • Mark Miller (M^2) says:

    May 11, 2011 at 12:50 PM -

    Happy birthday Marcus!

  • kathy says:

    May 11, 2011 at 1:16 PM -

    Happy happy birthday! Thank you so much for your support and encouragement as a trainer, and for always trying to make me do more than I think I can. Hope your day is perfect!

  • Scott says:

    May 11, 2011 at 4:28 PM -

    Happy Birthday Marcus!

    I very much appreciate your dedication and commitment to improving everyone at CFI. Thank you for always being an encyclopedia of knowledge and answering all of our questions… even if we sometimes ridicule your answer! … Paleo? That’s CRAZY!! :)

    Hilarious post Anna!

  • Xuan says:

    May 11, 2011 at 5:31 PM -

    Oh and nice job on the post to the Little Bus Driver! My personal favorite was “kilo of Columbian Bam Bam”

  • Stephanie says:

    May 11, 2011 at 6:09 PM -

    Happy Happy Birthday Emperor Marcus!! If it wasn’t for you I would be a little weakling, but look at me now :) Thanks for getting me to varsity status!
    I know when something is gonna suck bad the more you laugh . . . i’m glad our pain and suffering brings a smile to your face :)
    Thanks Coach!!
    Varsity class 4eva

    @Anna – so true so true . . . great post

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